Why am I not going to my Grandpa's funeral this weekend?

I have looked forward to my Grandpa's funeral for many years. Don't get me wrong, I have not looked forward to his death, but rather to his funeral. I see it as an opportunity to celebrate and pay tribute to a wonderful grandpa, father, marine, cowboy, patriarch, and man. (For his obituary click here.)Reflecting on his life, he accomplished a lot in his short 89 years. He fought in WWII, had 8 children, 41 grand children, and 60 great-grand children! He served diligently in the church and never faltered from his faith. He was a real life cowboy. So when my mom informed me that EVERYONE (meaning his children and grandchildren) would be there with the exception of my cousin who is due with a baby anytime and is on bed rest, my brother who is serving a mission in Argentina, and me, my heart sank. I knew this day was coming. He had been sick for awhile. We went to visit him in April and it was clear that his days were numbered. If he had his way he would have left us years ago, shortly after my Grandma passed. I always thought, flights from Denver to Salt Lake are cheap, or it's only an 8-10 hour drive we'll just jump in the car and go when the time comes. However, my life is not my own anymore. I am a mother. I cannot think of a scenario that would not be traumatizing for my sweet daughter. Some of you may not be surprised to hear that I have not been given one of those easy, go-with-the-flow type of babies. Instead I have been blessed with a lively, opinionated, determined child. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame her for our absence. I love being a mom and would not trade it. However, I've learned in my 10 short months of mothering experience that sacrifices will be made. Believe me I WANT TO BE THERE! I want it so badly. If I thought I could leave her without traumatizing her I would (P.S. That would require weaning her cold turkey.) I know what some of you are thinking, just suck it up, get in the car, and go, it's your Grandpa for Pete's sake! Well, we just got home from 8 days in California and we leave for Idaho for 9 days early next week. Clara needs some predictability and consistency for awhile. She needs her mom, her dad, her bed, her toys, etc. Trust me, I have played out every possible scenario in my head and none of them work out. Funerals also happen to double as impromptu family reunions. Who knows when my family will have a reunion that is so well attended again. So, to my cousins, I'll miss you. To Grandpa, I love you and tell Grandma I said hi! And I have a feeling that you understand.