The Elusive Bike Thief

So a couple Fridays ago, Julie and I were just getting into bed. It must have been 11:30 p.m. Naturally, Julie was already asleep before her head hit the pillow, but I was a little slower dozing off. We live on the third floor of our apartment building, and we have a balcony which is accessible from the stairwell through a small rod-iron gate which makes quite a ruckus when it is opened and closed. As I was dozing I swore I heard someone come through the gate. I jumped out of bed and looked out the window to see that my bike was nowhere to be found. Unfortunately, I was in my underwear. In my mind a debate raged during that split second. I could go outside now, seconds after the thief swiped my bike, beat the crud out of him and be the apartment hero.....in my skivvies, or I could take my chances, put some clothes on, and maybe still get to beat some crud out of somebody while fully clothed. Considering my bike is a 1992 Huffy Thunderpeak.....I ran back to the bedroom and threw on some clothes. I busted out

the front door, slamming it behind me to make my presence known to the heartless thief.

I stood there looking over the edge of the balcony, eyeing the burglar's only escape routes. I knew that there was no way he would have been able to get my bike down three flights of stairs and out of sight by the time I got out on the balcony. I stood there for maybe 5 minutes, convinced that he had made it to someone else's balcony, since they were all connected. Quickly I dashed down the stairs and to a picnic table which sits in the park that our apartment faces. Now I had him trapped! There were only two escape routes, and they were right in front of me. I scanned every inch of that building, and saw nothing. After 15 minutes, I gave up and decided that it must have been some superhuman Norweigan high jumper who took my bike, because no one less would have been able to get away that fast.

I went dejectedly up the stairs, to my door, turned the knob, and ran my forehead into the peephole. It was locked! I had no key. Knowing the depth of my wife's slumber, I half-heartedly banged on the door until my fist hurt. It was after midnight at this point, and the thought of a night spent curled up in the camping chair on our balcony did not sound appealing. I looked around the apartment complex, found someone with a light on, knocked on their door and asked to use their phone. In this way I awakened my wife. I told the people of my plight and they were angry and frightened that such a thief could be found here in Happy Valley. It could only have been one person.....A University of Utah student. I was convinced.

After all this, I was pretty worked up, but I eventually got back in to bed. Talking through everything with Julie, the conversation went something like this:

Nate: I can't believe they stole my bike, but I guess I haven't even ridden it to school all week long.

Julie: Yeah, I've dropped you off every day this week except for yesterday.

Nate: No, I'm pretty sure you took me to school. I remember walking home after work.

Julie: I'm positive you rode your bike, because I was running too late to take you.

*awkward silence*...........

Nate: I'll go to campus tomorrow morning and get my bike from the bike rack.

Julie: zzzzzzzzzzzz

I had left it on campus! Can you believe that. I am such a dufus.